By the time you reach date three, you often need to decide whether to get more serious or get out.
And with a little savvy detective work on your part, you can spare yourself disappointment later. Just knowing what questions to ask and understanding what the answers reveal, is the key to finding out if the relationship you are starting is worth continuing. So to avoid wasting your time on a doomed relationship, find out the following.
Does she show a keen interest in you personally, or is she constantly talking about what her husband or boyfriend likes? Some women are just looking for a hook-up to have a threesome. Find out if she’s genuinely interested in you, even if you don’t want anything to do with her boyfriend, hubby or significant other.
What is her experience level? If she’s bi curious and this will be her “first time” are you okay with that? For some it’s a turn on to be another girl’s “first”. Others may want to pass, considering the hesitancy factor and the possibility that she may only be interested in the “experience” itself, and not you.
Are you sexually compatible? Is her idea of a good time tying you up and gagging you? If you’re a submissive, that may work for you, but if you’re not into that sort of thing, it matters. Ask what turns her on and how she likes her sexual playtime. Sexual attraction is important of course, but compatibility is essential for the relationship to last.
Is she open about being bi? Will you be her “dirty little secret”? If she’s not open, are you willing to be hidden away from all the important people in her life? Can you handle no open displays of affection? Will you be satisfied with being introduced as her “special friend” or some other non-romantic title? Make sure your ideas of how your relationship will be displayed match, or you will both experience considerable discomfort when events and situations occur where this will come up.
What about the children? If she has children, find out how she plans to “introduce” you to the children. Is this an open relationship in front of the children, or will they only be told that you’re a close friend? How are you going to be expected to interact with them?
Is she hiding her bisexuality from the man in her life? If she’s involved with a man, married, engaged or has a serious relationship already, does he know about you? If she is seeing you behind his back, you have to decide if you are in agreement with her deception. If she’s lying to him, it may be difficult to trust her. Are you willing to go along with the web of deception she is weaving? It may be a sticky situation, to say the least.
How stable is her career? Does she like her job? Is she dissatisfied with it? Does she float from one thing to another, with little time invested at each place of employment? You can tell a lot about a person by looking at their work history and attitude towards their job. Is she a busy career woman that may have little time for you in the long run? Does she love the hot, pulsing city nightlife while you’re a country girl who wants to raise chickens and live in the boonies? Ask her where she wants to go with her career and what kind of life she imagines as ideal. Find out if your lifestyles can mesh well together.
What was her last relationship like? How did it end? Why did it end? By asking questions like these, you can get an idea of how emotionally stable she is, and what problems were too much for the relationship to bear. Pay attention to how she looks and acts when describing her former relationship and break-up. It will reveal a lot about how she deals with problems. If she mentions that there was a restraining order involved and it was against her, take it as a warning sign. It may be your cue to take the nearest exit. Stalkers may be exciting and boost your ego, but a crazy, psychotic girlfriend is not the ideal candidate for a long or short term relationship.
How does she handle debt? How much and what kind of debt she has, and how she deals with it, will reveal a lot about her character as a person. Is she a shop-a-holic? Does she have all the designer clothing and accessories, but drives an old Chevy? Is she elated that her electricity is going back on this week? Does she have a handle on her debt, with a practical plan to alleviate it? Or is she a scatter-brain with an overdrawn checking account? You can start out by bringing up the economy and then switch to a discussion of your own debt situation and hers. If she has a responsible attitude about her debt and admits she’s made some bad decisions, but is doing something about it, it’s not a deal breaker. If she’s in total denial and everything is someone else’s fault, watch out!
Regardless of how she answers your questions, these are important topics to discuss. Once you have done all the detective work, you can ferret out the information and weigh the pros and cons, to see if the two of you can go to the next level in your relationship. Armed with this useful information you will feel confident in your decision to “fish or cut bait”. (No pun intended.)